Friday, November 10, 2017

Infertility update/Giving advice


I realized today that it has been a while since I have given a real update on our journey with infertility, so if you're not interested in that, you should probably quit reading here. :) 

We had my surgery 6 months ago in May where I had large masses the size of a newborn babies head (ironic, right?) removed from the outside of both of my ovaries. There was also a cyst double the size of the masses surrounding each mass on both ovaries as well. They were able to successfully remove both masses and cysts, but discovered I also have masses inside of both ovaries that are still large, but not as big as the other ones. These were not able to be removed without removing my ovaries as well, which is counterproductive in what we are trying to do here. I also have PCOS and Stage 4 Endometriosis.

The doctor said that our only option at this point is going to be IVF (in-vitro fertilization). This is an extremely intense, painful, and most of all expensive procedure, ranging anywhere from $7,000-$20,000. We were told that we needed to begin the process 5-6 months after my surgery in order to best optimize our chances of the IVF actually working. At the 5-6 months my doctor estimated a 30% chance of it actually working which is not high, but it is something. The chances of us ever getting pregnant on our own without IVF is literally 0%.
(I recommend looking this up if you don't know what IVF is or entails) We have been blessed with having insurance that covers up to $10,000 of the IVF, which depending on what course of treatment we take, may either cover it 100% or almost 90% of the cost. Yesterday my doctor's office called me and said that the insurance has updated their policy to only cover the IVF after we have done another procedure called an IUI (again...look this up if you don't know it) and it has failed 2 times. I have previously asked my doctor about this procedure and because of my thick endometriosis and my masses in my ovaries, this procedure would never work for me. This is incredibly frustrating because we will have to pay for 2 procedures that we know won't work and will put us to almost a year past the surgery which is risking having to get another surgery before being able to do IVF. This will again lower the chances even more of the IVF working and being able to conceive. We are so sad because we were getting excited to begin the process in the next 3 1/2 weeks and now will be set back almost 4 months. 

One thing we have learned through this is that we should never assume that everyone's situation is the same. Every couple has a different story. Just because one thing has worked/not worked for one couple, does not mean it will be the same for another. We have also had to rely heavily on faith to get us through this difficult journey. We have had so many tell us that "God has a plan". Don't worry. - we know. There have been so many moments during our marriage where we have seen that manifested. Remember that everyone is at different places in their lives and sometimes what you might perceive as a helpful comment may not be received the same way by the couple. As far as giving advice - I'm going to be straight up - if you are not a doctor, therapist, or a bishop it is not your place to give advice to a couple going through infertility. It may be meant well, but it is not a good idea and may cause hurt feelings. If you are unsure what to say or only know how to give advice try this - offer to be there for them as needed and let them know you love them. That's it. If they want your advice - they WILL ask for it. I promise. 


I hope this helps answer any questions about what we are going through, and maybe how to approach us and others going through this struggle. Thanks for all of your support!!

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