Dear Future Baby

Dear Future Baby,

I love you so much even though I haven’t met you. I think about you often and all the things I want to do with you when we finally get to meet you. If life went our way, you would have been here a long time ago, and might even have a sibling or one on the way. It is taking a long time to get you here and that is really hard sometimes. Sometimes I think of you and I feel sad, or maybe even angry. I have had many days where I have cried in anger and sorrow to Heavenly Father wondering why we have not yet been permitted to bring you into our lives. For a long time, I let this long wait for you turn me bitter towards Heavenly Father. I started to wonder if He really did in fact love me the way I always thought He did. As time has gone on, I have come to realize that He has a timing for everything. While waiting for His timing, we should trust in Him and rely on Him for comfort. When you are eventually here, I want to teach you that and help you to develop your own personal relationship with Him and with our Savior. I realized that in order to do that, I need to be developing and maintaining that relationship myself.

Sometimes, when I hold or see other babies, I wonder if maybe they knew you in heaven. I wonder if they could speak, would they be able to give me a message from you or even tell me if you exist at all. Could they tell me what you’re like, or if they know when you’ll be coming to us. Baby, we are doing everything we can to get you here to us. There are many extreme measures that we are having to take. Measures that cost significantly more than we are able to afford. I hope you know that we will spare no cost to get you to us. We are willing to do whatever we have to do to make you a part of our family.

We often talk about the day that we will learn that you are coming, and how we will celebrate together and tell our families that you are finally on your way. I have so many ideas for how we will decorate your nursery, what cute Disney outfits you’ll wear for your newborn pictures, or how I will turn my wedding dress into the dress you will wear the day your dad gives you a name and a blessing, surrounded by all of the important priesthood holders in our lives. I think about the messes you’ll make in the kitchen, the bumps and bruises I’ll kiss better, and the day we celebrate you taking your first steps. These are all days that I am anticipating, but none match the feelings I have imagining what it will be like to finally hold you in our arms and see you. We are so hopeful that day will come. The day it does, I will shed many tears, but for now I shed tears of what is yet to come. Yet, while I shed tears, I am remaining hopeful and strong that we will be blessed with your presence in our lives someday and hopefully soon. We haven’t met you, but we love you so much. We look forward to the day we can finally meet you.

Love always,

Mommy